Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
