if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
