we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Randomize
