Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
