she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
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