Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
