His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
this just has baby written all over it
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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