community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
My breasts were aching with rage.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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