party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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