Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Watching her eat just hurts me
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
