I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
