you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
