I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
