he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
