You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
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Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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