I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I was not drunk enough for that final.
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