I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Randomize
