I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
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