You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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