people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
