is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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