"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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