I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
even my farts smell like vagina
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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