Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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