Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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