Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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