One girl and one boy is just not enough.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
