Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
