So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
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Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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