Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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