Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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