i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
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She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
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She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
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