"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
