that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
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I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
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Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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