I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
