Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
