Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
