We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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