Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
