i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
