I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
