He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
