What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
