I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
