Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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