I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
