it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Randomize
