My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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