Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
