I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
