Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize