I wish I could teleport
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
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I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
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Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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