I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
