Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
