if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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