i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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