i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize
