my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
im six kinds of drunk right now
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
