stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
