I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
