Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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