grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i would punch a child for taco bell
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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