Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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