I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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