How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
and i looked up. we had an audience...
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
